1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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