I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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