i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
