Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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