Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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