No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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