I hope mine doesn't look like that
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
