How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
