I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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