then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
