Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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