Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
