i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
