but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
