There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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