I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
