I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You pole danced in your parka.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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