Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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