The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
