Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
