i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
