Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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