thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
