I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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