totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
