Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
