I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
