It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
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He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
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whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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