My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
