i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Are we still banned from the library?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
