I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
