Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
