What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
