it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
