I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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