Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
