there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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