We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
