Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
