You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
