Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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