So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
