i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
