is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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