Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
