...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
