What did we do last night that was yellow?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
