my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
