uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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