so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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