Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
