You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
