Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
