How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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