Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
