Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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