she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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