those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
