yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
accomplished twins. life is a go
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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