She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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