That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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