one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
