I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
