she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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