lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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