I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
