i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
