If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Randomize
