You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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