porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
