So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
A+ Viking dick
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