We named our party play list daddy issues
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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