the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
