Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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