we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
