at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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