she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
