Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
